They force them to ask more fundamental questions of who they are, and what they want Out of the First World War came women's suffrage Out of the Second came the welfare state Out of the Holocaust came the state of Israel. Aids wasn't the only thing that created this transformation of gay demands, but it was surely linked to them at a deep psychological level.Plagues and wars do this to people. They demanded full recognition of their service to their country, and equal treatment under the law for the relationships they had cherished and sustained in the teeth of such terror. Once gay men had experienced beyond any doubt the fibre of real responsibility - the responsibility for life and death, for themselves and others - more and more found it impossible to acquiesce in second-class lives. From chipping away at the edges of heterosexual acceptance, suddenly the central ramparts were breached. The radicalism of Act-Up segued into the radicalism of homosexuals in the military and same-sex marriage. And what didn't destroy them made them only more resistant to condescension.And as gay culture shifted in this way, so did gay politics.

Many failed to confront the families and workplaces and churches in ways that would have helped provide the capacity to survive But many others did. A culture that had been based in some measure on desire became a culture rooted in strength Of course, not everyone experienced such epiphanies Some cracked, others died bitter or alone. Relationships that had no social support were found to be as strong as any heterosexual marriage. People who thought they didn't care for one another found that they could. They came from a conviction that someone had to lead, to connect the ghetto to the centre of the country, because it was only by such a connection that the ghetto could be saved.And in the experience of plague, what Greg felt on a personal level was repeated thousands of times. In some ways, even the seemingly irresponsible outrages of Act-Up were the ultimate act of responsibility. But with Aids, responsibility became a central, imposing feature of gay life Without it, lovers would die alone or without proper care Without it, friends would contract a fatal disease.

This was the Faustian bargain of the pre-Aids closet: straights gave homosexuals a certain amount of freedom; in return, homosexuals gave away their self- respect. Gay liberation was most commonly understood as liberation from the constraints of traditional norms, almost a dispensation that permitted homosexuals the absence of responsibility in return for an acquiescence in second-class citizenship. Before Aids, gay life - rightly or wrongly - was identified with freedom from responsibility, rather than with its opposite. I have an appreciation and love for her that I never fully had before." Some gains are even more profound. I mean, if you're healthy, who has time for this old lady? And I still have that That's a gain. Like me, she was suddenly finding she couldn't drive her car anymore, so we bonded in a way we'd never bonded before You suddenly see how people are valuable. You go into yourself and you feel different from other people, permanently different." Some gains are subtle "It sparked a new relationship with my grandmother.

"When the most important thing you do in a day is your bowel movement, you learn to value every single source of energy. "But I want to see," he told me.)"When you're in bed all day, you're forced to consider what really matters to you," Greg elaborates. I remember asking him how on earth he could go through with it. In other words, he had to watch as the needle came closer and closer and finally penetrated his eye. I'd never realised I cared so much about myself." (Greg's story brings to mind that of another friend: his illness finally threatened his sight, and he had to decide whether to pursue a treatment that involved an injection of a liquid directly into the eyeball. "In the early days," he remembers, "I couldn't imagine going through all that to stay alive My friend Dennis would say that I'd never go that far But then he died Looking back, it's absurd the lengths I went to.