The superb Ray Liotta plays a security guard, but even he is out-acted by Pepe the King Prawn. Muppets are different from puppets Puppets are frightening things. Like most people, when I was little I was mad for Sesame Street. (My dad recently sent me a Miss Piggy card as a reminder of my one-time party piece - a "Hiyaaaargh!" aimed at my brother's head.) In Muppets from Space, Gonzo (the blue one with the saxophonal nose) discovers he is an alien, and sets about creating the perfect landing pad for his family. Although I admit that in the case of Stereophonics gigs, there's so little to see that a restricted view is hardly going to matter.

Which brings us back to point one ...Singles and albums charts: page 7. It's sod's law. You write your films of the year piece, and two days later see a film that belongs in the top 10. Muppets from Space might sound like a disingenuous addition to a list that included The Blair Witch Project and High Art, but it's not. I've seen dozens of acoustic sets, and almost all of them have required microphones and amplifiers and speakers the size of refrigerators. In what sense are they acoustic, exactly?) If you absolutely have to play some of your songs "unplugged", do without stools.

We all know that an acoustic guitar is no heavier than an electric one, so there's no excuse for playing one of them sitting down and the other one standing up.10 Choose Good Venues. Well, this one's a whole article in itself, but let's just say for now that nobody's enjoyment of a concert is enhanced by queueing outside for half an hour, then being crammed in so tightly they can't move and can't see the stage over the heads of the people in front. Try swapping instruments every now and then; that usually goes down well.However, resist acoustic segments, which have become almost as tiresome a cliche as encores (And just as fake. You can take this idea a step further by persuading a famous mate to join in on one song.9 Play Live. By which I mean leave as little as possible of the hard work to backing tapes. It may be difficult for four musicians to replicate, note for note, an album that was recorded in a 64-track digital studio.

But who wants to hear an album replicated note for note? What we're paying for is the ingenuity with which you rearrange your songs for a concert setting. Reduce the predictability of your concert with a cover version or two. In recent weeks, the Flaming Lips have played "Somewhere Over The Rainbow", the Lightning Seeds have busked through "Be My Baby" and Macy Gray has done a seasonal "Winter Wonderland". And maybe, rather than being grateful, you have grown to resent the song, mocking as it does your subsequent failure Well, tough. He who pays the piper calls the tune - and the tune he calls is the hit you knocked out in ten minutes a decade ago On the other hand, we also want you to ...8 Play Some Unusual Songs. Maybe you've recorded only one song that has captured the public imagination. Maybe that one song has brought you wealth and recognition way out of proportion with the tiny amount of time and effort you invested in it.

For instance, a couple of weeks ago, Blur completed their "Singles Night" tour. The concept of each gig was that the band would play every one of their singles in the order they were released And that's exactly what happened. So why did Blur feel the need to leave the stage after "Charmless Man", only to reappear a minute or two later, as if they couldn't resist the cheers of the crowd We knew they had more songs to play They knew they had more songs to play So why pretend it's an encore? Why? Why? WHY?7 Play Your Hits. And I'll make an exception for Meat Loaf, given that so many of his songs last a quarter of an hour each.6 Don't Do Encores. I'm referring to the widespread fallacy that the longer a concert is the better value it is - as if film-goers come out of cinemas saying, "That was great! Three whole hours!" Seventy-five minutes is fine in most venues Add 15 or 20 minutes if you're playing in a stadium.