Businessman Martin Brine, from south London, has been there 10 times but doesn't feel part of the Brit contingent "The idea of Little England would put me off I don't notice that at all. I do like the fact it's not too ostentatious."They wear: Pringles and slacksThey eat: fresh sardines They drink: rose and portExpense: i i i Celebrity presence: nilTrend value: nilSPAIN: Puerto Banus on the Costa del Sol has been described as the St Tropez of Spain. The biggest resort is Vale do Lobo, which has a choice of three golf courses. Not geared to a young trendy market, this area is more likely to be inhabited by golf fanatics from Dorking.

Mortimer rents a property here but Germaine Greer sold hers six years ago.They wear: Ghost and Nicole FarhiThey eat: bruschetta, pasta, truffles They drink: Montepulciano d'AbruzzoExpense: i i i Celebrity presence: i i iTrend Value: i i i PORTUGAL: Brits in Tuscany would no doubt look down their noses at the golf-playing fraternity who flock to the Algarve, on the southern coast. They have a horror of being stereotyped." Bumper-to-bumper Volvos and, as John Mortimer observes, "cornflakes and marmalade in little village shops" This is little Hampstead in Italy Settlers include: Muriel Spark, Paul Smith, Lord Jenkins. "These are the sort of people who discovered olive oil long before Delia Smith introduced it to Sainsbury's. Recent visitors have included: Duke of Edinburgh, Ridley Scott, Mark Thatcher, Michael Caine and Douglas Hurd.They wear: diamante and denim jackets; designer T-shirts, shorts and long socksThey eat: biltong and barbeques They drink: SA chardonnayExpense: i i i i Celebrity presence: i i iTrend value: i i iITALY: Tuscany, or Chiantishire, is now a little over-crowded for the Brits who like to think they've been guarding a well-kept secret. Plettenberg on the Garden Route also pulls a star-studded crowd: forget the Caribbean, if you're a name this is where it's at. Expect to find seven choices of British cereal in the supermarkets You can also tune into British radio and television.

Genteel residents never stray to the down-market, Ayia Napa, end of the island. "It's full of army sergeant types drinking cans of lager," warns one discerning visitor.They wear: twinsets and Calvin Klein - informal but smartThey eat: souvlaki and meze They drink: brandy soursExpense: i i Celebrity presence: nilTrend value: nil SOUTH AFRICA: Cape Town is the place to be for wealthy Brits; the jet set can't keep away "Banker territory", sums up travel writer Jill Crawshaw. In the summer months places like Bergerac, Perigueux and Sarlat (the heart of the Dordogne) are overrun with Guardian readers in people carriers. Neighbouring areas, the Lot Valley and Gascogne, are also popular. A long-time British resident says: "I did try to avoid the English at first, but it's impossible - you bump into them in every market and supermarket, they're everywhere."They wear: M&S, espadrilles; Gap for KidsThey eat: magret de canard; confit They drink: BergeracExpense: i iCelebrity presence: nilTrend value: nilCYPRUS: well-to-do Brits tend to congregate in the hills above Paphos which has its own international airport and a strip of good hotels A strong expat presence; Gerald Durrell had his villa here. They may pay lip service to the culture but they prefer to sit in their gardens with a lot of cheap booze."WHO GOES WHERE AND WHYFRANCE: There are more Brits in the Dordogne than anywhere else on the continent. It's part of the mystique to say you know a certain little vineyard nearby."Behind the veneer of middle-class respectability, Brits abroad just want to have fun.